Tony
I have a Guide that I love very much. There were many times when he was alive that I was convinced that he and I would one day grow old together after we got done with whatever we were going to do in life. He was my best friend and he would have done anything in the world for me including be a Father to my unborn baby when I was alone and pregnant at 19 years old.
I often feel guilty for running back to the baby’s father and leaving him standing alone but he did come to the hospital when I gave birth and made the father do the right thing when he tried to run again.
I just loved him too much to get romantically involved and despite the fact that we were so close, we never went any further than a single drunk make-out session back when we first met which he stopped because he said he couldn’t touch me unless I was his and I couldn’t commit to that, so we remained best friends until his death but I knew he was in love with me for over 20 years while I just loved him unconditionally.
I do still beat myself up thinking if I had just given him a chance that accident wouldn’t have happened.. but really.. who knows..
When he died it about killed me and I don’t think I am capable of feeling pain like that ever again. Honestly, it nearly led me to a breakdown mentally and physically. A solid week without food, sleep, and nonstop tears is not good on the mind or body. When I did finally crash I slept for 2 solid days. I barely remember those awful first weeks after his death. I couldn’t even stay for his funeral, as soon as I saw his body it was real and I just had to leave.
In time I recovered and while I will always love him and miss him he is with me now more than when he was alive because he became my Guide. He hangs out with me in dreams and I feel him all the time.
But last night I had a vivid dream about him and he had some guy I didn’t know with him. I can’t remember much to be honest, but I do remember him introducing me to a light skinned, blonde haired guy with chubby cheeks named Patrick and telling me that Patrick is my new Guide. Tony said he “had some things to do and Patrick is going to take over for a little while“. And it was real because I can feel him gone already.
This is one of the reasons that I am thankful for my abilities because I have always been able to sense when Tony was around, even in life if I walked into Walmart while he was there at the same time, I felt him before I saw him. If he had just disappeared without this dream I would have known it and been worried and devastated.
So I’m getting ready to “go to work” and give Readings today with Patrick’s help for the first time and I’m nervous.. Tony and I have a smooth system when it comes to readings on the hotlines but I’m sure things will go just fine. Since I have been working the Hotlines I have not screwed anyone’s reading up yet and I pray that today is not that day lol. I almost feel like today is my first day on the job again.. Back when I first started every time the phone rang I had a panic attack lol.
I am feeling like a big change is about to take place and I just can’t put my finger on it. My one Client has finished up, my other Client got scared and quit because she was just too worried about what her family would think and I understand where she is coming from.. when you come from a religious family it’s very hard to suddenly announce you have these abilities. She has so much potential and I have grown to love her as a good friend and want nothing but the best for her..
So all I really have to fill my time is a couple people I volunteered to help along the way on an as-needed basis so for all purposes I don’t really have any Clients right now and if I want to do something different now would be the time.
The ever popular 1111 has been coming at me from every which way replacing my usual 7777. I don’t know yet what’s supposed to be next, but I do feel the changes coming. Only thing I know for sure is that I’m tired of what I have been doing and I’m ready for something different.
I am not actively searching for any new Clients at this time unless they happen to find me and I’m not even sure about reopening my website.. I spend more time here on this blog than there so I may just change base and turn this into headquarters. You never know about me lol. Once I get something in my head it’s full speed.. lol..
Okay.. enough chatter! Time to get myself going for the day and transform myself into Indigo for the afternoon lol.. One thing I love about Indigo is that she is still young & pretty and nobody calls her Mom, Mother, or Grandma lol..
xoxoxo,
Michelle